Surprise, surprise

Interestingly enough, none of my ex’s speak to me. Which, obviously, is my fault, and not theirs – when the rest of the world has a problem with you, the problem is within yourself, and not in the rest of the world. And my very first boyfriend hadn’t spoken a word to me in 5 years till last week. But then, he did.

After years of neglecting, denying and resenting each other’s existences, me and my ex actually sat down and discussed all things possible, such as the weather, his current job, my travels around the globe and the world of harm we did to each other. All without tears (there was a close call on a very personal matter, but it did not happen), screaming or fighting. Who would have thought?!

It was great to see him again. He’s as well as can be (with all the problems that that entitles), and it felt both like meeting an old friend and meeting someone for the first time, which was an uncanny situation. I guess people change, but they don’t really.

I’ve told a number of my friends about this meeting, but I don’t think anyone really cares, or gets how important this was to me. Which is fine, but it really was something else. I live in hope and hate to see people hating me. I screw up and am screwed over, but my never-ending optimism insists on making me think that everything can be healed, that I can be friends with everyone. I’ve accepted defeat on that matter with a few people, for different reasons. But hey, my ex was one of those. We might not become (or regain our status of) best friends, but the wall of resentment that stood between us for so long has been torn down. We might never cross the line where it once stood, but at least we can see through it now. I’m being really tacky, but life is indeed awesome.

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